You may have noticed, men seem quite happy in Indonesia. No matter how dumb and ugly they are, there will always be a fair number of pretty and hot girls gravitating around them. Add to that the expat compensation package, the maid, the driver and the cheap flights to Bali and you have everything a man could dream of: Big pay, no chores, hot girls.
On the contrary, life is hard on expat wives or worse, on single women. Thank God (or unfortunately) most of them don’t see what is happening behind their backs. Among the expats that I know, I can tell you that 90% of them, married or not, have had an affair or cheated on their girlfriends with an Indonesian girl at least once. The only ones that are faithful have stopped partying or, it exists, are absolutely, truly, deeply in love. It’s not just some old, fat pervert working in oil. The more often, it’s the good husband, with kids and family. I’ve been out partying for years in Jakarta, 5 days a week, and in each bar I went to, I met tons of them. Go to Bats, go to Red Square, go to Blok M, etc, etc, and you will see them, getting crazy on the dancefloor and enjoying their lives as they never do at home.Some will say that it’s just easier here with girls and I agree. But does it explain everything? My friends are handsome and cool; they could find girls to cheat with in France. They are rich too, they could pay prostitutes. I know they do it in Jakarta, but they would never do it in France. Why is that? Why do Expats start cheating their wives when they arrive in Jakarta? Is it specific to Jakarta?
I see 3 reasons for that:
- In Indonesia, many men can get girls that are way more attractive than what they could have had in their home countries. Not only more beautiful, the girls can be much younger too, and look much younger anyway. These girls are attracted to foreigners for various reasons: Financial stability, attraction for “white” people (and the perspective of having a mixed baby), and certainly also the desire to be with someone less conservative than most Indonesian men. As long as an expat is somewhat cute or nice, he will be popular among girls here in Jakarta, and for some of them, it means they will be able to date girls they are really fond of. When the guy is 40 years-old, just about to undergo a mid-life crisis, he is very fragile and it won’t take long before he thinks about what his life could be with a 25 year-old exotic beauty.
- The nightlife scene in Jakarta is a lot of fun and excitement. There are great nightclubs in European cities, but few are as open and diverse as the nightlife scene in Jakarta. When you are an expat in Jakarta, you rarely have to queue, you always get admitted, you are at the center of the attention, and you can afford booking a table and opening Champagne. This makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. Many people party a lot more here, and therefore meet a lot more new people. As an expat, there is also a good chance that you will be far from your family on many occasions, because your wife didn’t follow you, or if she did, she travels back home more often. These periods are extremely dangerous because guys will go out more, and they will have many opportunities to cheat. Much more than opportunities I will say temptations. Temptation is everywhere, beauty, young-ness, easy relationships…Difficult to resist.
- Traditional girls vs. Modern girls. Most people will tell you Indonesian girls are different. Their behaviours towards men are much more traditional and less independent than that of most foreign women. I think the authority of the man for instance is much more respected and it gives them the feeling of being in charge. The roles within the mixed couple are also more specific. Actually, they resemble those that were assigned to couples in Europe or the USA before the liberalization of women in the 70s. While we may regret that, many men feel uncomfortable with what they perceive as strong, independent, ambitious women. In Indonesia, they will meet girls that correspond more accurately to their ideas of the perfect wife. And once again, they may fall in love quickly.
These are the three main reasons which I think can explain why so many expats in Jakarta start cheating when they arrive in Jakarta. There might be a lot more explanations, but I just thought it was interesting to open the subject because I realized how crazy people become when they arrive here, and I’ve always wonder why this city can create such transformations on people.
The photo was taken from the blog of Erick Brown, which has more info about nightlife in Jakarta: http://erick-brown.blogspot.com/2009/05/blog-post.html.