Is It Better to Date a Javanese or a Sundanese Girl?

Until today, I had never dared writing an article about ethnicity in Indonesia. I didn't want to appear racist and also because my knowledge on the subject is limited. As I'm growing older I start to care less, so here I am giving you advice on whether it is best to date/marry a Javanese or a Sundanese girl.

Be aware that I am basing this whole piece on personal experience only. This is not a scientific paper, it's just entertainment. You may have a completely different opinion and I would love to hear it (especially if you are an Indonesian reader). Please just write a comment below.

The two main ethnic groups in Indonesia are the Javanese (90 million people, 40% of the population) and the Sundanese (36 million people, 15.5% of the population). Both have distinct traditions, languages, cultures and cuisines. Javanese live mostly in East Java (Yogyakarta, Surabaya) while Sundanese are from the Bandung region.

In Jakarta, most of the girls you meet will be either Javanese or Sundanese. It is also common to come across Bataknese (Medan), Betawi (pure Jakarta), Indonesian-Chinese, Manadonese (Manado) and Makassarese (Makassar). In Bali, apart from Balinese, you will see more Madurese (Madura) and ethnicities from Eastern Indonesia (Flores, Timur, Maluku).

Most expats don't really care about that and they consider it's pretty much all the same. On the contrary, Indonesians like to point at the differences between the people of each provinces. They will give specific traits to some ethnicities, negative or positive, and based on these stereotypes they might deem that some mixed "race" couples are not desirable. For instance, a persistent myth among Indonesians is that a couple between a Javanese men and a Sundanese women cannot work well.

For better understanding, let's review what are the stereotypes about the three main Indonesian ethnical groups:

Sundanese are considered soft and easy-going. It is said that due to their welcoming nature, the penetration of Islam among them was faster and easier compared to the Javanese. For this reason, they are overall more religious compared to the Javanese.

Some will say that they lack ambition and they are not willing to live far from their home. One of the consequences is that there are less of them in top jobs and positions. Among ministers or ex-presidents of Indonesia, very few were Sundanese.

Sundanese girls are often called the most beautiful women in Indonesia, mainly because of their lighter skin color.

If you date a Sundanese, you might experience a surge in your monthly expenses. Sundanese girls love to spend on clothes, cellphones, laptops, shoes, beauty products and entertainment. Such gifts are expected as a part of the relationship and it is sometimes hard to know how sincere the love is.

Sundanese girls are sometimes criticized for behaving like divas: High maintenance, spoiled, overly dramatic and proud of their appearance. It seems they are aware of their value and they know how to get the best from it.

Regarding the beauty of Sundanese girl: They are indeed pretty but I prefer Manadonese (because they look a bit like Filipinas). Girls in Malang are also just as attractive.

About their open mindset, Sundanese are hospitable like anywhere in Indonesia. I didn't notice any differences staying in Bandung or Surabaya. I also don't feel they are less ambitious than other Indonesians.

Regarding the materialistic mindset of Sundanese girls: I found it to be generally true, with several exceptions though. You must differentiate educated girls from Bandung's middle and upper class with countryside girls from Indramayu. Girls from poorer background may be expected by their families to marry with someone who will take care of them. Those girls are usually popular among Indonesian men and expats so they have a wide range of option. Naturally, they will not choose the stingy ones. Beauty in Indonesia often comes with at a price and I've learned to be careful with gorgeous Sundanese. I normally avoid them.

Javanese are often characterized with the "nrimo" concept of life, which means accepting your fate by seeing the bright side of it. For instance, if you cannot afford a car, you will think that walking keeps you healthy. As a result, Javanese are said to be obedient and submissive. They are also avoiding conflicting situations, preferring to keep their feelings to themselves rather than expressing them.

My relationships/dates with Javanese girls have been more successful than those with Sundanese girls. I've never really noticed that they were more submissive, but they were less money-oriented and less childish.

Expats with passive-aggressive and shy personalities may feel more comfortable with a Javanese girlfriend.

Bataknese have quite a unique reputation in Indonesia. Because Dutch set up missionary schools early in the 20th century around the Lake Toba area, many Batak were able to get a good education, sometimes in Holland, and then high positions in the government. Until today, they occupy many prestigious jobs (lawyers, engineers, doctors, etc) and they are seen as a smart ethnic group.

For centuries, they were living isolated in the mountains, and therefore they developed a strong character. They are tough to negotiate with, feisty and they like to stay between themselves.

I've met quite a lot of Batak, men and women, while I was in Indonesia. As far as I can tell, the stereotypes about them are rather true. The two Indonesian lawyers I ever dealt with were Batak, and they were tough and uncompromising. My first Indonesian girlfriend was also a Batak and our relationship was mostly fights and screams. Most of her friends were also Batak.

As I mentioned, I've had better experiences with Javanese girls, but there are more factors at play than just the ethnicity. My feeling is that the socioeconomic and the education background is what matters the most. You may also feel more attracted to certain personality traits as well. Among expats, I noticed that many are dating or marrying Batak girls. They may enjoy their outspoken and confident personality which is more similar to that of a Western girl. In my case however, I tend to avoid them because I prefer someone quiet and easy-going.